Long Jokes

When it comes to jokes, sometimes it’s not just about the punchline but the journey to get there. If you’re into “long jokes,” you’re in for a treat. These jokes take a little longer to tell, but they pack a bigger punch. Get ready to laugh as we dive into 20 long dad jokes that are worth every second of the setup!

1. A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe. They have a few drinks, and the giraffe passes out on the floor. The bartender looks at the guy and says, “You can’t leave that lyin’ there!” The guy replies, “It’s not a lion; it’s a giraffe.”

2. Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One turns to the other and says, “Wow, it’s hot in here.” The other muffin screams, “Ahh! A talking muffin!”

3. There was a man who entered a pun contest. He submitted ten different puns, hoping one of them would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

4. A snail bought a fast sports car and had a big “S” painted on the side. When people saw him zooming by, they’d say, “Wow, look at that S-car-go!”

5. A duck walks into a pharmacy and says, “Give me some ChapStick, and put it on my bill.” The pharmacist hands it over and says, “That’ll be $1.50.” The duck says, “Put it on my bill.”

6. A man is driving down the road when his car breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and asks for help. The monks invite him in, feed him, and fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks about the sound, but they say, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.” The man leaves but can’t forget the sound. Years later, he returns and becomes a monk. After taking the vows, he asks again, and they lead him to a door. Behind the door, he finally discovers the source of the sound: But only monks know, and since you’re not a monk, you’ll never know!

7. A man walked into a bar and ordered a drink. As he sipped, he noticed a man at the end of the bar with a tiny piano and a tiny pianist. Curious, he asked about it, and the man said, “I found a magic lamp with a genie, but be careful what you wish for.” The first man laughed and asked to try it. The genie appeared, and he wished for a million bucks. Suddenly, the bar was filled with quacking ducks. The man shouted, “I asked for bucks, not ducks!” The other guy sighed and said, “Do you think I asked for a 12-inch pianist?”

8. Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go camping. After setting up camp and falling asleep, Holmes wakes Watson and says, “Look up and tell me what you see.” Watson replies, “I see millions of stars.” Holmes asks, “And what does that tell you?” Watson thinks for a moment and says, “Astronomically, it tells me there are millions of galaxies. Theologically, it tells me God is great. Meteorologically, it’s going to be a clear night.” Holmes interrupts, “No, you idiot, it means someone stole our tent!”

9. A bear walks into a bar and says, “Give me a whiskey and… cola.” The bartender asks, “Why the big pause?” The bear shrugs and says, “I was born with them.”

10. A man goes to a zoo, but the only animal there is a dog. It’s a Shih Tzu.

11. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

12. A guy spots a sign in front of a house: “Talking Dog for Sale.” Intrigued, he asks to see the dog. The owner says, “He’s in the backyard.” The guy meets the dog, who starts talking. “Yeah, I’ve lived a full life,” the dog says. “I’ve worked for the CIA, traveled the world, and now I just want to retire.” The guy, amazed, asks the owner why he’s selling the dog. The owner replies, “He’s a liar. He’s never done any of that stuff.”

13. A termite walks into a bar and asks, “Is the bartender here?”

14. A magician was driving down the road… then he turned into a driveway.

15. A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, “That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman walks to the back of the bus and tells a man next to her, “The driver just insulted me!” The man says, “You should go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey.”

16. A man goes to a pet store to buy a parrot. The store owner says, “I have one that can sing like Pavarotti!” The man buys it and brings it home. He wakes up to the parrot singing beautifully, but after a few days, the parrot stops singing. The man returns to the store to complain. The owner asks, “Did you buy the mirror?” The man says no. The owner explains, “Parrots need mirrors to sing.” So the man buys a mirror, but the parrot still doesn’t sing. The owner then suggests buying a ladder because parrots like to climb while singing. After buying the ladder, the parrot still doesn’t sing. The owner finally suggests buying a swing because parrots sing best while swinging. The man buys the swing, but the next day, the parrot dies. The man returns to the store, devastated, and asks why the parrot died. The owner asks, “Did it ever say anything?” The man replies, “Yes, it said, ‘Don’t they sell any food at that store?'”

17. A doctor, a lawyer, and a mathematician are discussing the benefits of having a wife versus a mistress. The lawyer says, “A mistress is better because there’s less legal trouble.” The doctor says, “A wife is better for your health.” The mathematician says, “Both are better because if you have a wife and a mistress, they’ll both assume you’re with the other woman, so you can do some math!”

18. A guy walks into a library and asks, “Do you have any books on paranoia?” The librarian whispers, “They’re right behind you.”

19. A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. He says, “A beer for me, and one for the road.”

20. A chicken walks into a library, goes up to the librarian, and says, “Book, book, book.” The librarian gives the chicken three books, and the chicken walks out. The next day, the chicken comes back and says, “Book, book, book.” The librarian gives the chicken three more books, and the chicken leaves. The third day, the chicken returns and says, “Book, book, book.” The librarian gives the chicken three books and decides to follow it. The chicken walks to a pond and gives the books to a frog. The frog looks at the books and says, “Read it, read it, read it.”

There you have it—20 long jokes that take their time but deliver the laughs. These jokes are perfect for when you want to keep the conversation rolling and the giggles growing. Remember, sometimes the best humor is all about the buildup, so don’t rush it—enjoy the ride!