Dad Jokes 
74
Get ready to laugh with some of the best jokes from the legendary comedian Norm Macdonald! Known for his unique delivery and clever wit, Norm had a knack for turning everyday observations into comedic gold. Here are some of his classic jokes that will surely tickle your funny bone!
1. “I once asked a book how to deal with my problems. It said, ‘You should read me.’ So I did. Now I have even more problems.”
2. “I’m not saying I’m a bad driver, but I can’t even get out of the driveway without calling for a tow truck.”
3. “The other day, I was at a bar and I heard a guy say, ‘I’m going to make a New Year’s resolution to lose weight.’ I said, ‘Why don’t you just resolve to be a better person? It’s a lot easier!'”
4. “You know what’s a good way to make a lot of money? Don’t tell anyone! If you don’t tell anyone, you can keep it all!”
5. “I don’t believe in astrology. I think it’s a huge waste of time I mean, if you want to know what’s going to happen to you, just ask a psychic!”
6. “I was once at a fancy restaurant, and the waiter asked me if I wanted a drink. I said, ‘Just water, please.’ He said, ‘We have a special on bottled water.’ I said, ‘Oh, well, in that case, I’ll take a tap.'”
7. “I read somewhere that the average person swallows eight spiders a year while sleeping. So I started sleeping with my mouth closed. Now I’m just a little more paranoid.”
8. “I once tried to lose weight by cutting out all the food I love. Turns out I just ended up cutting out all the food.”
9. “I love going to the beach. It’s the only time I can wear a swimsuit without feeling judged. Until I walk out of the water and realize I’m surrounded by families!”
10. “I went to a restaurant and the waiter asked if I wanted a dessert. I said, ‘No, I’m trying to watch my weight.’ He said, ‘Well, we have a low-calorie dessert.’ I said, ‘Great! What is it?’ He said, ‘Air!'”
11. “You know, when I was younger, I thought I’d be a millionaire by the time I was 30. Turns out, I was just really good at daydreaming.”
12. “I had a friend who always complained about his job. I told him to just quit and do something he loves. He said, ‘Like what?’ I said, ‘I don’t know, but you should figure it out before you retire!'”
13. “I don’t like to brag, but I can tie my shoes with my eyes closed. Just don’t ask me to walk afterwards!”
14. “The other day, I saw a sign that said, ‘Watch for children.’ And I thought, ‘That sounds like a fair trade!'”
15. “I used to have a friend who was a baker. He kneaded the dough but never raised the bread. I guess he just couldn’t rise to the occasion!”
Norm Macdonald had a talent for blending humor with a touch of absurdity. Enjoy sharing these Norm Macdonald jokes with friends, and keep his legacy of laughter alive!