Dad Jokes 
If you’re looking for comedy that’s pure gold, Rodney Dangerfield jokes will have you rolling with laughter. He was the king of self-deprecating humor, and his “I don’t get no respect” bit? Iconic! Let’s dive into some of his best one-liners that prove why Rodney is still a comedy legend.
The Ultimate List of Rodney Dangerfield Jokes
Rodney knew how to crack up an audience with his unique delivery and signature style. Here’s a roundup of 20 of his funniest jokes that are timelessly hilarious.
1. “I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.”
Classic Rodney. He makes a simple statement and flips it into a gut-busting punchline.
2. “I get no respect. The other day I told my wife, ‘You need to take me somewhere I’ve never been.’ She said, ‘Try the kitchen.'”
Rodney’s knack for turning a normal conversation into a comedy moment is what makes this joke so iconic.
3. “I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.”
Ever feel like you’re stuck in a monologue? Rodney could relate.
4. “My doctor told me I’m going to live to be 60. I said, ‘I am 60.’ He said, ‘See? What did I tell you?'”
Dangerfield had a way of making even doctor visits funny!
5. “When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.”
You’ve got to love his quick wit that makes even a sad situation sound hilarious.
6. “I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.”
Rodney’s observation skills were always on point. Perfect for fans of both sports and humor.
7. “I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.”
His deadpan delivery just makes it hit harder.
8. “My wife and I were happy for 20 years – then we met.”
Short, sharp, and full of humor.
9. “My mother never breastfed me. She told me she only liked me as a friend.”
Ouch, Rodney! That’s brutal—but funny!
10. “I come from a stupid family. During the Civil War, my great uncle fought for the West.”
Geography and history lessons, Dangerfield style!
11. “I told my wife she was lousy in bed. She went out to get a second opinion.”
He could twist the most awkward moments into comedy gold.
12. “I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I’d get.”
Self-deprecation was his superpower, and we’re here for it.
13. “My uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.”
Dark, twisted, and hilarious. Rodney never held back.
14. “Last week my house was on fire. My wife told the kids, ‘Be quiet, you’ll wake your father.'”
The comedic spin on a house fire? Only Rodney could pull that off.
15. “I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.”
His dark, offbeat humor gave even the simplest situations a wild twist.
16. “When I was born, I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.”
Rodney’s humor knew no boundaries.
17. “My wife’s cooking is so bad, we pray after we eat.”
Ah, food jokes. A Dangerfield staple.
18. “I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, ‘Wait till it gets warmer.'”
Perfectly captures his family dynamics… in the funniest way possible.
19. “I met the surgeon general. He offered me a cigarette.”
The irony in this one hits all the right spots.
20. “My psychiatrist told me I was crazy, and I said I wanted a second opinion. He said, ‘Okay, you’re ugly too.'”
Rodney knew how to roast himself—and everyone else!
Rodney Dangerfield jokes are the perfect blend of sharp wit, self-deprecation, and hilarious punchlines that never get old. Whether he’s roasting himself or others, you’re guaranteed to laugh every time you hear one of his jokes. So, whenever you’re in need of a quick laugh, just remember: Rodney may not get any respect, but his jokes sure do!